Friday, December 25, 2015
Thinking About Mary (Sue) on Christmas
The idea that Rey is a Mary Sue is so ridiculous no one should even acknowledge it but what the hey? It's Christmas. Let's go a little nuts and then roast those nuts over an open fire. (The Force Awakens spoilers ahead, obviously) You think Rey doesn't have any flaws? I'll tell you who doesn't have any flaws. Poe Dameron doesn't have any flaws. Poe is a flawless human being if not a divine celestial entity who has chosen to walk among mortals. He's the best pilot there is and he makes cool jokes in stressful situations and his best friend is an adorable robot. That is, until he becomes best friends with a guy who fought for the other guy 20 seconds ago and then it's the Brotherhood of the Space Traveling Jacket up in here. What? Rey didn't train enough? It's the Force, not calculus. How much does she really need to study? It's not trigonometry, it's a magical space do-what-I-want spirit god.
Friday, December 18, 2015
The Five Stages of Wookieepedia
One of the great things about Star Wars is the massive amount of imagination that went in to the even larger universe George Lucas created. The world is huge and incredibly detailed. If you paused one of the movies at any random point and threw a Nerf suction cup dart at the screen, anything you hit probably has a larger backstory than if you did the same thing with Lincoln. Fortunately there's a place you can go if curiosity gets the better of you and it's called Wookieepedia.
The time has come for an original trilogy rewatch. You hit play on A New Hope. By the time the credits roll on Return of the Jedi you've built up a million questions. What sort of adventures did Han and Lando get up to back in the day? Why was Leia a princess if she was adopted by Senator Organa in Revenge of the Sith? Are rancors native to Tatooine or did Jabba have it shipped in? Is Lobot the coolest or is Lobot the coolest? Did they ever explain why Obi-Wan didn't recognize the droids? Aren't parsecs a measure of distance? Where did I lose the non-obsessive type readers? So you Google Han Solo and Wookieepedia arrives at the top of the screen, gleaming with a divine light like a guardian angel that knows a whole lot about Star Wars.
At first you're disappointed, there's not much there you didn't already know. Then you remember they cleaned the extended universe slate a little after they announced The Force Awakens. You go the the top of the page and click the Legends tab. This is the good stuff even if it didn't happen somehow more than your standard fictional events. Apparently Lando and Han first met when Lando was looking for a pilot and found Han at the end of Boba Fett's blaster. Leia's mother and Senator Bail Organa's wife was Queen Breha of Alderaan. Rancors are native to a planet called Dathomir. Lobot is the coolest. They did not; get over it. Yes, either Han was spewing bull about the speed of his ship or there's some other bull related explanation. Probably around "rancor."
That's just the tip of the iceberg, or the mouth of the Sarlacc if you will. Wookieepedia, especially the old school pre-Abrams stuff, goes so much deeper. Leia married Han of course and they had three children, one of whom turned to the dark side and it wasn't the one named Anakin. Luke married a reformed Sith assassin named Mara Jade and had a son who adopted an evil bug creature as a pet that tried to turn him against his parents. All of these characters who have so far not been in any movies and basically don't exist in the Star Wars universe have a novella's worth of biography.
Eventually it all becomes too much. No matter how curious you are about Luke Skywalker's non-incestuous romantic life no Wiki page is well written enough to hold interest for 30,000 words with glitchy ads that slow everything down. And forget about opening multiple tabs. And there's a Swarm War? You don't care about the Swarm War. No one cares about the Swarm War. And why does Lando have to share the "cape" page with Count Dooku? Lando's cape should get its own page. None of this makes sense. Do you even like Star Wars?
The good news is that you absolutely still like Star Wars. Wookieepedia fatigue is only temporary. The original trilogy still and always will hold up and the prequels are what they are.
Depending on your age, you either never liked them or you have an unshakable nostalgic appreciation for them despite their flaws. The even better news is that the universe is about to get a lot bigger and you won't need Wookieepedia to know how.
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| The Ewok in the corner is the inspiration for three different Evan Peters characters on American Horror Story. |
Curiosity
The time has come for an original trilogy rewatch. You hit play on A New Hope. By the time the credits roll on Return of the Jedi you've built up a million questions. What sort of adventures did Han and Lando get up to back in the day? Why was Leia a princess if she was adopted by Senator Organa in Revenge of the Sith? Are rancors native to Tatooine or did Jabba have it shipped in? Is Lobot the coolest or is Lobot the coolest? Did they ever explain why Obi-Wan didn't recognize the droids? Aren't parsecs a measure of distance? Where did I lose the non-obsessive type readers? So you Google Han Solo and Wookieepedia arrives at the top of the screen, gleaming with a divine light like a guardian angel that knows a whole lot about Star Wars.
Discovery
At first you're disappointed, there's not much there you didn't already know. Then you remember they cleaned the extended universe slate a little after they announced The Force Awakens. You go the the top of the page and click the Legends tab. This is the good stuff even if it didn't happen somehow more than your standard fictional events. Apparently Lando and Han first met when Lando was looking for a pilot and found Han at the end of Boba Fett's blaster. Leia's mother and Senator Bail Organa's wife was Queen Breha of Alderaan. Rancors are native to a planet called Dathomir. Lobot is the coolest. They did not; get over it. Yes, either Han was spewing bull about the speed of his ship or there's some other bull related explanation. Probably around "rancor."
Excess
That's just the tip of the iceberg, or the mouth of the Sarlacc if you will. Wookieepedia, especially the old school pre-Abrams stuff, goes so much deeper. Leia married Han of course and they had three children, one of whom turned to the dark side and it wasn't the one named Anakin. Luke married a reformed Sith assassin named Mara Jade and had a son who adopted an evil bug creature as a pet that tried to turn him against his parents. All of these characters who have so far not been in any movies and basically don't exist in the Star Wars universe have a novella's worth of biography.
Fatigue
Eventually it all becomes too much. No matter how curious you are about Luke Skywalker's non-incestuous romantic life no Wiki page is well written enough to hold interest for 30,000 words with glitchy ads that slow everything down. And forget about opening multiple tabs. And there's a Swarm War? You don't care about the Swarm War. No one cares about the Swarm War. And why does Lando have to share the "cape" page with Count Dooku? Lando's cape should get its own page. None of this makes sense. Do you even like Star Wars?
Recovery
The good news is that you absolutely still like Star Wars. Wookieepedia fatigue is only temporary. The original trilogy still and always will hold up and the prequels are what they are.
Depending on your age, you either never liked them or you have an unshakable nostalgic appreciation for them despite their flaws. The even better news is that the universe is about to get a lot bigger and you won't need Wookieepedia to know how.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Everything Else That's Happening on December 18th
The big day is almost here. It's so close you can almost taste it. The most anticipated movie of all time except for that other one is coming. At this point it's just a game of waiting and yelling "I'm already going to see it!" whenever you reach your limit of tolerable promotion, at which point the meter resets. However, Star Wars: The Force Awakens isn't the only exciting thing that's happening on that day. There's a lot more taking place on December 18th, some of which is pretty niche but still very meaningful for some people. It definitely kind of means something to me and like three other people.
You may recognize the name Cage the Elephant from their 2008 hit song "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked," but they're no one hit wonder. What they are is my favorite band in the world. Their entire self-titled album was a fantastic debut that established CtE as one of rock's greatest and most actually rock and roll bands. Their next two albums were even better with the band coming into their own as a fuzzy, melodic, vaguely vintage force of nature. Thank You, Happy Birthday is my personal favorite. I've listened to more times than I could count, each time it's more beautiful than the last. On the 18th they're releasing Tell Me I'm Pretty with producer Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys. Auerbach seems to be bringing his blunt force blues to the band's neo-grunge sound. Together they promise something extraordinary.
There was a brief time in my young life when I watched a lot of E! for no respectable reason. I never saw anything good with one exception. When I happened upon The Soup I was surprised to find that it was sharp and hilarious and that it could get away with so relentlessly mocking everything else on the channel. Every time I've seen it since I've been pleasantly surprised that it still exists. It's a simple set up, just comedian Joel McHale standing in front of a green screen with a TV set over his shoulder. McHale sets up a clip, the clip shows, then he makes the punchlines. It couldn't be less complicated which is why it's been done over and over again but never as well as The Soup. No one else could balance sardonic bite with charmingly under-produced silliness as well as McHale. On the 18th it all goes away. All of it. Joel McHale will spend the rest of his existence in a storage locker quipping at reality shows that only exist in his head.
If Sisters weren't the only other movie coming out the same day as the biggest movie of the decade it would be a massive deal. It stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of the biggest names in comedy who just happen to have amazing chemistry together. It's also written by a veteran rock star of the Saturday Night Live writer's room, Paula Pell. That name probably doesn't mean much to you, but it might if you check out some of her favorite sketches that she shared with Vulture and even more so after Sisters. Look, you're going to the movie theater anyway. If you have the time and resources I highly recommend checking it out.
'Tell Me I'm Pretty'
You may recognize the name Cage the Elephant from their 2008 hit song "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked," but they're no one hit wonder. What they are is my favorite band in the world. Their entire self-titled album was a fantastic debut that established CtE as one of rock's greatest and most actually rock and roll bands. Their next two albums were even better with the band coming into their own as a fuzzy, melodic, vaguely vintage force of nature. Thank You, Happy Birthday is my personal favorite. I've listened to more times than I could count, each time it's more beautiful than the last. On the 18th they're releasing Tell Me I'm Pretty with producer Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys. Auerbach seems to be bringing his blunt force blues to the band's neo-grunge sound. Together they promise something extraordinary.
The End of 'The Soup'
There was a brief time in my young life when I watched a lot of E! for no respectable reason. I never saw anything good with one exception. When I happened upon The Soup I was surprised to find that it was sharp and hilarious and that it could get away with so relentlessly mocking everything else on the channel. Every time I've seen it since I've been pleasantly surprised that it still exists. It's a simple set up, just comedian Joel McHale standing in front of a green screen with a TV set over his shoulder. McHale sets up a clip, the clip shows, then he makes the punchlines. It couldn't be less complicated which is why it's been done over and over again but never as well as The Soup. No one else could balance sardonic bite with charmingly under-produced silliness as well as McHale. On the 18th it all goes away. All of it. Joel McHale will spend the rest of his existence in a storage locker quipping at reality shows that only exist in his head.
'Sisters'
If Sisters weren't the only other movie coming out the same day as the biggest movie of the decade it would be a massive deal. It stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, two of the biggest names in comedy who just happen to have amazing chemistry together. It's also written by a veteran rock star of the Saturday Night Live writer's room, Paula Pell. That name probably doesn't mean much to you, but it might if you check out some of her favorite sketches that she shared with Vulture and even more so after Sisters. Look, you're going to the movie theater anyway. If you have the time and resources I highly recommend checking it out.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Three Things That Should Be In a Future 'Spider-Man' Movie
Just over a week ago the first trailer for the highly anticipated Captain America: Civil War was released. One of the interesting things about this movie is that it promises not just nearly every hero already established in the Marvel Cinematic Universe but also introduces two high profile characters into that world: Black Panther and Spider-Man. Of the two, Black Panther is the only one to appear in the trailer and he makes quite an impressive appearance. However, we still haven't seen the new Spider-Man and there's a lot we don't know about him. Although Spider-Man has already appeared in five movies there's also a few things from his history that we've never seen on the big screen. Hopefully these things will show up when Spidey 3.0 gets his own movie in 2017.
Even friendly neighborhood Spider-People have to eat some time. They also have to protect their identity so that their enemies don't come after their loved ones. This presents a problem. Fortunately it has a simple solution. Spider-Man can just pull the bottom of his mask up, exposing the bottom half of his face and keeping the rest of his head covered. Ever the consummate New Yorker, Spider-Man has been known to frequent the city's many illustrious street vendors in between stopping crimes. Whenever he gets a craving Peter just pulls up his mask and chows down. It's a nice way of humanizing the character and showing how comfortable he is in costume, while allowing a moment of levity in his famously hectic life.
In the 50+ years of Spider-Man's history, there are two lines that every fan knows by heart: "with great power comes great responsibility" and "face it Tiger, you just hit the jackpot." The former has been quoted incessantly but the latter has never been directly replicated. It occurs when Peter meets his future wife Mary Jane Watson for the first time after a series of Home Improvement style facial concealments. Peter previously had no interest in Mary Jane but his Aunt May set up a blind date anyway. An unsuspecting Peter opened the door to get away at the same time she arrived. Mary Jane called Peter "Tiger" a few times in the first three Spider-Man movies but the moment couldn't exactly be replicated because they knew each other their entire lives and Mary Jane doesn't appear at all in the most recent two Spider-Man movies. Maybe there'll be a place in the next movie to pay homage to one of the most iconic moments in a long line of iconic moments.
Spider-Man wasn't really a part of a team until the early 00's but he's always been the king of the one-and-done superhero team-up. Most of Marvel's heroes live in New York but, as previously mentioned, none of them identify with the city as strongly as Spider-Man does. He spends most of his time swinging around on patrol so he has the best chance of coincidentally being there whenever something goes down. All throughout Spider-Man's history he's been known to happen upon another superhero while innocently swinging through the city. He's known to banter with his villains during their fights but he really shines when he gets to josh around with someone who's more or less on his side. Maybe now that he's joining a universe with a wealth of other heroes he'll finally get a chance to have a team-up in live action.
Eating With a Mask On
"Face it, Tiger"
In the 50+ years of Spider-Man's history, there are two lines that every fan knows by heart: "with great power comes great responsibility" and "face it Tiger, you just hit the jackpot." The former has been quoted incessantly but the latter has never been directly replicated. It occurs when Peter meets his future wife Mary Jane Watson for the first time after a series of Home Improvement style facial concealments. Peter previously had no interest in Mary Jane but his Aunt May set up a blind date anyway. An unsuspecting Peter opened the door to get away at the same time she arrived. Mary Jane called Peter "Tiger" a few times in the first three Spider-Man movies but the moment couldn't exactly be replicated because they knew each other their entire lives and Mary Jane doesn't appear at all in the most recent two Spider-Man movies. Maybe there'll be a place in the next movie to pay homage to one of the most iconic moments in a long line of iconic moments.
A Good, Old Fashioned Team-Up
Spider-Man wasn't really a part of a team until the early 00's but he's always been the king of the one-and-done superhero team-up. Most of Marvel's heroes live in New York but, as previously mentioned, none of them identify with the city as strongly as Spider-Man does. He spends most of his time swinging around on patrol so he has the best chance of coincidentally being there whenever something goes down. All throughout Spider-Man's history he's been known to happen upon another superhero while innocently swinging through the city. He's known to banter with his villains during their fights but he really shines when he gets to josh around with someone who's more or less on his side. Maybe now that he's joining a universe with a wealth of other heroes he'll finally get a chance to have a team-up in live action.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Your Guide to Telling The Marvel Movies Apart
In the years since Marvel started its reign over the box office one of the most common criticisms against their films has been that they're too similar to each other. There are not enough words in this sentence to link to all the times I've proven my love for superheroes but even I have to admit there's a problem. It's not a very big problem because even the Marvel movies that stand out the least from the rest tend to be mediocre at worst, but it's a problem nonetheless and one that can certainly be fixed. Fortunately there are several entries in the Marvel canon that prove the studio is capable of branching out and there have been since the beginning.
Iron Man was the movie that started it all and set the tone for the Marvel Cinematic Universe in a lot of ways. It was also a huge gamble and they couldn't be sure that it would pay off so it absolutely had to stand on it's on. Director Jon Favreau and star Robert Downey Jr. did a terrific job of crafting a fun, grounded, vaguely political action movie. The MCU would never again be as realistic as that first film about a billionaire in a metal suit with rocket boots and gloves. Iron Man 2 was the first to really hone the Marvel formula. It's flashier and more lighthearted than its predecessor with more quips and bigger action sequences. It was the first Marvel movie to really look and feel like a Marvel movie.
In between those two there was The Incredible Hulk. I went over that one pretty extensively a while back, but the Reader's Digest version is that it's too different for its own good. The look and tone is noticeably distinct from the rest of the MCU and a different actor played the titular Hulk than the one in The Avengers. As a result it tends to be swept under the rug by the studio and fans alike, even though it is a pretty solid movie.
After Iron Man 2 came Thor. Despite a host of Shakespearean dialogue and cosmic/mythological characters and settings, Thor is very recognizable as a Marvel movie. Surprisingly, it's a little lacking in action but it still has the standard tone and humor. Captain America: The First Avenger followed Thor. Aside from it's spin-off TV show Agent Carter, The First Avenger is the only period piece in the MCU. It tells of Captain America's origins and adventures during World War II. As such, it looks more like Raiders of the Lost Ark than a modern superhero movie. Director Joe Johnston excels at this kind of period piece and it shows.
Then there's The Avengers; the Marvel formula finally perfected. A flawless comic book action movie. Every joke, punch, and teardrop lands with the precision of an Olympic archer, which is ironic since the biggest flaw is the handling of Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye. The stakes are high and the final battle is appropriately epic. It's everything anyone could have asked for from the meeting of Marvel's heroes and the centerpiece of their universe.
The next year Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World were released. Neither one ventures very far from the formula but the former is executed much better than the latter. Iron Man 3 is one of the more lighthearted and comedy-heavy MCU movies while The Dark World is mostly just dull and attempts to be as dark as promised without any real losses.
The year after that Marvel tried to take some more risks with Captain America: Winter Soldier and Guardians of The Galaxy. Of the two, Guardians is surprisingly the one that plays it safest. Winter Soldier is a political espionage thriller that happens to be set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe while Guardians is simply an MCU movie set in space. There's a bit of director James Gunn's offbeat sensibilities in Guardians but by and large it looks and feels like a standard outing for Marvel.
Then everyone came together again for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Where The Avengers was perfectly crafted and almost universally beloved, Age of Ultron is much more divisive. It's darker, stranger, and more operatic than all of its predecessors, not just The Avengers. All problems aside, few could honestly say that Age of Ultron was exactly what they expected.
Finally, there's Ant-Man, which is oddly like The Avengers in that it is the Marvel formula perfected, but also condensed. Thanks to a brisk pace and short run time, Ant-Man is exceptionally fun and over before you know it, leaving you wanting more.
Next year Marvel is releasing the third Captain America movie, Civil War and their first Doctor Strange. Civil War is directed by the Russo brothers who also directed Winter Soldier, so it will hopefully be as different as its predecessor, but not too different from its predecessor. Doctor Strange presents the best opportunity yet for Marvel to get away from themselves. The title character operates in the world of mysticism and the occult, quite different from the science fiction of their usual fare, with the questionable exception of Thor. One can only hope they'll take advantage of the opportunity.
Iron Man was the movie that started it all and set the tone for the Marvel Cinematic Universe in a lot of ways. It was also a huge gamble and they couldn't be sure that it would pay off so it absolutely had to stand on it's on. Director Jon Favreau and star Robert Downey Jr. did a terrific job of crafting a fun, grounded, vaguely political action movie. The MCU would never again be as realistic as that first film about a billionaire in a metal suit with rocket boots and gloves. Iron Man 2 was the first to really hone the Marvel formula. It's flashier and more lighthearted than its predecessor with more quips and bigger action sequences. It was the first Marvel movie to really look and feel like a Marvel movie.
In between those two there was The Incredible Hulk. I went over that one pretty extensively a while back, but the Reader's Digest version is that it's too different for its own good. The look and tone is noticeably distinct from the rest of the MCU and a different actor played the titular Hulk than the one in The Avengers. As a result it tends to be swept under the rug by the studio and fans alike, even though it is a pretty solid movie.
After Iron Man 2 came Thor. Despite a host of Shakespearean dialogue and cosmic/mythological characters and settings, Thor is very recognizable as a Marvel movie. Surprisingly, it's a little lacking in action but it still has the standard tone and humor. Captain America: The First Avenger followed Thor. Aside from it's spin-off TV show Agent Carter, The First Avenger is the only period piece in the MCU. It tells of Captain America's origins and adventures during World War II. As such, it looks more like Raiders of the Lost Ark than a modern superhero movie. Director Joe Johnston excels at this kind of period piece and it shows.
Then there's The Avengers; the Marvel formula finally perfected. A flawless comic book action movie. Every joke, punch, and teardrop lands with the precision of an Olympic archer, which is ironic since the biggest flaw is the handling of Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye. The stakes are high and the final battle is appropriately epic. It's everything anyone could have asked for from the meeting of Marvel's heroes and the centerpiece of their universe.
The next year Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World were released. Neither one ventures very far from the formula but the former is executed much better than the latter. Iron Man 3 is one of the more lighthearted and comedy-heavy MCU movies while The Dark World is mostly just dull and attempts to be as dark as promised without any real losses.
The year after that Marvel tried to take some more risks with Captain America: Winter Soldier and Guardians of The Galaxy. Of the two, Guardians is surprisingly the one that plays it safest. Winter Soldier is a political espionage thriller that happens to be set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe while Guardians is simply an MCU movie set in space. There's a bit of director James Gunn's offbeat sensibilities in Guardians but by and large it looks and feels like a standard outing for Marvel.
Then everyone came together again for Avengers: Age of Ultron. Where The Avengers was perfectly crafted and almost universally beloved, Age of Ultron is much more divisive. It's darker, stranger, and more operatic than all of its predecessors, not just The Avengers. All problems aside, few could honestly say that Age of Ultron was exactly what they expected.
Finally, there's Ant-Man, which is oddly like The Avengers in that it is the Marvel formula perfected, but also condensed. Thanks to a brisk pace and short run time, Ant-Man is exceptionally fun and over before you know it, leaving you wanting more.
Next year Marvel is releasing the third Captain America movie, Civil War and their first Doctor Strange. Civil War is directed by the Russo brothers who also directed Winter Soldier, so it will hopefully be as different as its predecessor, but not too different from its predecessor. Doctor Strange presents the best opportunity yet for Marvel to get away from themselves. The title character operates in the world of mysticism and the occult, quite different from the science fiction of their usual fare, with the questionable exception of Thor. One can only hope they'll take advantage of the opportunity.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Mad Men Report: 'Supergirl' and 'Jessica Jones'
The fall TV season is almost over so Netflix was kind enough to drop one of the most anticipated new shows of the year just in time to remind us all that free time is an illusion. There is only television. If you're not caught up on every single critically acclaimed drama you're dead. To quote the official statement from Netflix "you fools! You thought Thanksgiving would save you! You'll spend Turkey Day binging a dark psychological thriller with a strong female lead and you'll... (dramatic pause) 'thank' us for it. Ha. Ha ha ha. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Anyway, the question is how much can each current show distract me from finishing the critically acclaimed drama Mad Men which I started just before the fall premieres. This week two very different shows about female superheroes are attempting to prevent me from finding out how rich white men in the 60's treated women, homosexuals, and racial minorities. I hope it's with compassion and understanding!
The latest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe focuses on Jessica Jones, one of the very few comic book characters created since the 70's to gain any traction. Jones first appeared in 2001's Alias by Marvel maestro Brian Michael Bendis and artist Michael Gaydos. Now she is following up the magnificent Daredevil series as part of the MCU's street level world of heroes on Netflix. Jessica Jones is a gritty neo-noir like Daredevil, but it immediately sets itself apart from all of its predecessors by captivating the audience without any of the standard action. Jones has super powers but there's no stylized martial arts or glitzy technology. The only fight scene in the first episode is little more than a tussle between two silhouettes ending with Jessica's opponent going through her window. Instead, all of the tension comes from the horror of an immoral monster who can control minds.
The episode starts slow. It's all about introducing Jones and her poor, sad, punk rock, gumshoe life. She drinks whiskey, gets in and out of her blue jeans, and goes on assignments as the one-woman Alias Investigations. Mostly she tries to work through her PTSD after escaping the grip of the malicious mastermind Zebidiah Kilgrave. A mother and father hire Jones to find their missing daughter who turns out to have been taken by Kilgrave. That's when things get much more interesting very fast.
Jones is played by Krysten Ritter, star of short-lived comedy Don't Trust the B--- in Apartment 23 and nine episodes of Breaking Bad. As Jessica Jones she finally gets a chance to take center stage of a drama and Ritter owns it. She's tough but vulnerable in a way that's not nearly as cliche as it sounds and she delivers witticisms with a dry iciness. She is joined by Rachael Taylor as Jones' friend and confidant Patsy Walker, a former model who hosts a radio show for some reason. Eka Darville plays her lovable junky neighbor Malcolm and Carrie Anne Moss plays corporate lawyer Jeri Hogarth who frequently hires Jessica. Mike Colter appears as Jessica's love interest, the iconic Luke Cage who will have his own Netflix series next year. David Tennant does not appear in the first episode but I have faith that his portrayal of Kilgrave will be terrifically horrifying.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
I didn't give Supergirl a rating when it first premiered partly because I still wasn't quite sure what to think of it. I'm a big Superman fan and I'm still pretty upset by his most recent live-action adaptation. I never expected Supergirl to have Man of Steel's treacherous "dark and gritty" tone but there's still a lot of baggage there. Through the baggage I could see a lot of potential in the adventures of Superman's young cousin Kara (Melissa Benoist) and slowly but surely Supergirl is proving capable of living up to it.
Supergirl is created by the same team that have been doing incredible work with the super hero shows Arrow and The Flash. One of the many ways those two are so impressive is that they are related and take place in the same universe but are wildly different. Arrow is a grim epic similar to Chris Nolan's Batman films while Flash is charming and lighthearted; its closest cinematic parallel might be Marvel's The Avengers. Thankfully, Supergirl is much closer in tone to The Flash. Anything starring a Superperson should be fun and optimistic. Actually, the two might be a little too close. They have similar looks, tones, and dialogue. However, a major part of Kara's character arc is going to be stepping out from another hero's shadow. It's not fair to expect her to do that right away and likewise the show deserves a chance to differentiate itself from its peers.
Admittedly, the first episode looked a lot like The Devil Wears Prada, with Kara and her coworkers cowering before their demanding boss Cat Grant, but once you accept the superficial similarities as part of the show, its easy to see that the relationship between Kara and Cat is one of the most interesting on the show. The recent episode "Livewire" especially cracked Cat's tough exterior and revealed that Supergirl is more important to her than just a profitable news story.
"Livewire" was a strong step forward in a lot of ways. It showed that Kara's adopted father, as played by Dean Cain, died before the show began. That's disappointing but it makes sense to focus on Kara's relationship with her mother and other female characters like her sister and Cat Grant since the show is obviously intent on making a feminist message. At times, that message has come across a little ham-fisted. That's normal for the pilot of a show but it carried over to a couple too many of the following episodes. Finally, in "Livewire" the show did a little more showing than telling. It helps that Kara's female mentors are played by fantastic actresses, her mother is Helen Slater, who performed as well as anyone could as Supergirl in the much maligned 1984 film, and Cat is played by Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart. Also, Brit Morgan of cult-classic series The Middleman was great as the episode's titular villain Livewire.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Jessica Jones
The latest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe focuses on Jessica Jones, one of the very few comic book characters created since the 70's to gain any traction. Jones first appeared in 2001's Alias by Marvel maestro Brian Michael Bendis and artist Michael Gaydos. Now she is following up the magnificent Daredevil series as part of the MCU's street level world of heroes on Netflix. Jessica Jones is a gritty neo-noir like Daredevil, but it immediately sets itself apart from all of its predecessors by captivating the audience without any of the standard action. Jones has super powers but there's no stylized martial arts or glitzy technology. The only fight scene in the first episode is little more than a tussle between two silhouettes ending with Jessica's opponent going through her window. Instead, all of the tension comes from the horror of an immoral monster who can control minds.
The episode starts slow. It's all about introducing Jones and her poor, sad, punk rock, gumshoe life. She drinks whiskey, gets in and out of her blue jeans, and goes on assignments as the one-woman Alias Investigations. Mostly she tries to work through her PTSD after escaping the grip of the malicious mastermind Zebidiah Kilgrave. A mother and father hire Jones to find their missing daughter who turns out to have been taken by Kilgrave. That's when things get much more interesting very fast.
Jones is played by Krysten Ritter, star of short-lived comedy Don't Trust the B--- in Apartment 23 and nine episodes of Breaking Bad. As Jessica Jones she finally gets a chance to take center stage of a drama and Ritter owns it. She's tough but vulnerable in a way that's not nearly as cliche as it sounds and she delivers witticisms with a dry iciness. She is joined by Rachael Taylor as Jones' friend and confidant Patsy Walker, a former model who hosts a radio show for some reason. Eka Darville plays her lovable junky neighbor Malcolm and Carrie Anne Moss plays corporate lawyer Jeri Hogarth who frequently hires Jessica. Mike Colter appears as Jessica's love interest, the iconic Luke Cage who will have his own Netflix series next year. David Tennant does not appear in the first episode but I have faith that his portrayal of Kilgrave will be terrifically horrifying.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Supergirl
I didn't give Supergirl a rating when it first premiered partly because I still wasn't quite sure what to think of it. I'm a big Superman fan and I'm still pretty upset by his most recent live-action adaptation. I never expected Supergirl to have Man of Steel's treacherous "dark and gritty" tone but there's still a lot of baggage there. Through the baggage I could see a lot of potential in the adventures of Superman's young cousin Kara (Melissa Benoist) and slowly but surely Supergirl is proving capable of living up to it.
Supergirl is created by the same team that have been doing incredible work with the super hero shows Arrow and The Flash. One of the many ways those two are so impressive is that they are related and take place in the same universe but are wildly different. Arrow is a grim epic similar to Chris Nolan's Batman films while Flash is charming and lighthearted; its closest cinematic parallel might be Marvel's The Avengers. Thankfully, Supergirl is much closer in tone to The Flash. Anything starring a Superperson should be fun and optimistic. Actually, the two might be a little too close. They have similar looks, tones, and dialogue. However, a major part of Kara's character arc is going to be stepping out from another hero's shadow. It's not fair to expect her to do that right away and likewise the show deserves a chance to differentiate itself from its peers.
Admittedly, the first episode looked a lot like The Devil Wears Prada, with Kara and her coworkers cowering before their demanding boss Cat Grant, but once you accept the superficial similarities as part of the show, its easy to see that the relationship between Kara and Cat is one of the most interesting on the show. The recent episode "Livewire" especially cracked Cat's tough exterior and revealed that Supergirl is more important to her than just a profitable news story.
"Livewire" was a strong step forward in a lot of ways. It showed that Kara's adopted father, as played by Dean Cain, died before the show began. That's disappointing but it makes sense to focus on Kara's relationship with her mother and other female characters like her sister and Cat Grant since the show is obviously intent on making a feminist message. At times, that message has come across a little ham-fisted. That's normal for the pilot of a show but it carried over to a couple too many of the following episodes. Finally, in "Livewire" the show did a little more showing than telling. It helps that Kara's female mentors are played by fantastic actresses, her mother is Helen Slater, who performed as well as anyone could as Supergirl in the much maligned 1984 film, and Cat is played by Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart. Also, Brit Morgan of cult-classic series The Middleman was great as the episode's titular villain Livewire.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Friday, November 13, 2015
Three Cover Songs That Show There's Always Room For Improvement
There's no such thing as perfection in any artistic endeavor. In all the ratings and Rotten Tomatoes it's easy to lose sight of how little objectivity there is in music or movies or paintings or anything else creative. Mockingjay - Part 1 having the lowest Rotten Tomatoes score of the Hunger Games franchise doesn't stop me from thinking it's easily the best of the three released so far. Rolling Stone gave Gary Clark Jr.'s 2013 album an unremarkable three and a half stars but I gave it seven billion plays on Spotify. (Which amounts to about $1.13 in Mr. Clark's pocket. I'm sure my Christmas card has been floating around the postal service for the past year.) It's not just fans and critics. Two different directors can look at the same script and see two different films. That's why in a flood of movie remakes it's still remarkable when one comes along with a fresh point of view. That's why it can be so powerful when a musician puts themselves into someone else's song, for instance:
Country legend Glen Campbell is the kind of singer who's career is largely built on covers, which was pretty typical in the 60's. It was especially common in folk and most of Campbell's songs came from folk or country. In 2008 Campbell released a new album of covers by artists like Green Day and U2, who at the time were almost contemporary, at least for a 72-year-old. A stand-out was the 2002 Foo Fighter's hit "Times Like These." It was originally very much a product of its era with its post-grunge crunchy guitar riffs. Albeit, the Foo Fighters did early 00's crunchy guitars better than anyone. The Foo Fighters remain titans of rock because frontman Dave Grohl is consistently an astounding songwriter. "Times Like These" is an eloquent, if slightly dated, song about toiling towards the light at the end of the tunnel. When Campbell performed it he made it timeless. He infused it with his glorious arena country/pop sound, invoking images of the sweeping Western plains, permeated with optimism and divine opportunity.
"Respect" is so closely tied to Aretha Franklin's legacy that the average music fan could almost be forgiven for thinking she originated it. Not quite though because it was actually first released by one of the very few soul singers who could rival the Queen. Otis Redding wrote and recorded the song in 1965. Redding's lyrics are from the point of view of a humble man who pleads for no more than respect from his paramour and only when he's in her presence. He doesn't care what she does when he's not around. It's not a very bold stance but 60's soul had a way of making begging seem cool and Otis's voice was exceedingly more masculine and rugged than most. From his mouth the plea was a fun, swinging ditty. Then in 1967 Aretha turned it into the feminist anthem it's been known as ever since. (Here's my impression of Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds if she taught 20th century music history in 2015: "When you think about it, Aretha Franklin was the original female Ghostbuster.") Franklin adjusted a few lines to change the point of view from a humble man to a proud woman demanding the thing that had been denied her for much too long. She also made some changes to the structure like spelling the title and those "sock it to me's," making it catchier as well as ten times as powerful.
David Bowie is known as one of pop culture's greatest chameleons. In the 70's his scales were the color of a glam rock god. He ruled the stage like Zeus on Mount Olympus but with even more sexual deviance and presumably much more consent. He was finely manicured, covered in glitter and mystique and his music reflected that. Bowie's 1970 album The Man Who Sold The World and its title track, like much of his work from the time, is grandiose and intergalactic. The song is cosmic and mysterious and finely polished. 21 years after The Man Who Sold The World ushered in glam rock Nirvana's Nevermind did the same for grunge, glam's polar opposite. However, Kurt Cobain, Krist Noveselic, and a pre-Foo Fighters Dave Grohl were mere mortals who just happened to be the most famous people in the world. Maybe the only thing grunge and glam have in common is that Cobain was every bit the genre defining icon Bowie was, if not more. In their iconic acoustic performance for MTV Unplugged Nirvana played "The Man Who Sold The World" and it was a highlight of an overall magnificent recording. The cover was earthy and accessible, one of many entrances into the mind of Cobain. Right now there are hundreds of thousands of teenagers who feel more connected to Kurt Cobain in 1993 than anyone they know personally, as many as those who dream of a celestial encounter with a spaceman like David Bowie.
Glen Campbell's "Times Like These"
Country legend Glen Campbell is the kind of singer who's career is largely built on covers, which was pretty typical in the 60's. It was especially common in folk and most of Campbell's songs came from folk or country. In 2008 Campbell released a new album of covers by artists like Green Day and U2, who at the time were almost contemporary, at least for a 72-year-old. A stand-out was the 2002 Foo Fighter's hit "Times Like These." It was originally very much a product of its era with its post-grunge crunchy guitar riffs. Albeit, the Foo Fighters did early 00's crunchy guitars better than anyone. The Foo Fighters remain titans of rock because frontman Dave Grohl is consistently an astounding songwriter. "Times Like These" is an eloquent, if slightly dated, song about toiling towards the light at the end of the tunnel. When Campbell performed it he made it timeless. He infused it with his glorious arena country/pop sound, invoking images of the sweeping Western plains, permeated with optimism and divine opportunity.
Aretha Franklin's "Respect"
Nirvana's "The Man Who Sold The World"
David Bowie is known as one of pop culture's greatest chameleons. In the 70's his scales were the color of a glam rock god. He ruled the stage like Zeus on Mount Olympus but with even more sexual deviance and presumably much more consent. He was finely manicured, covered in glitter and mystique and his music reflected that. Bowie's 1970 album The Man Who Sold The World and its title track, like much of his work from the time, is grandiose and intergalactic. The song is cosmic and mysterious and finely polished. 21 years after The Man Who Sold The World ushered in glam rock Nirvana's Nevermind did the same for grunge, glam's polar opposite. However, Kurt Cobain, Krist Noveselic, and a pre-Foo Fighters Dave Grohl were mere mortals who just happened to be the most famous people in the world. Maybe the only thing grunge and glam have in common is that Cobain was every bit the genre defining icon Bowie was, if not more. In their iconic acoustic performance for MTV Unplugged Nirvana played "The Man Who Sold The World" and it was a highlight of an overall magnificent recording. The cover was earthy and accessible, one of many entrances into the mind of Cobain. Right now there are hundreds of thousands of teenagers who feel more connected to Kurt Cobain in 1993 than anyone they know personally, as many as those who dream of a celestial encounter with a spaceman like David Bowie.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Mad Men Report: How do 'Master of None,' 'The Muppets,' and 'Quantico' threaten Don Draper?
In the 90's, comedy-drama movies like Singles and Reality Bites defined the youth of the time. In the golden age of television shows like Girls and You're the Worst have tried to do the same for millennials only to be outdone by Greta Gerwig and her antiquated medium of cinema. I'm three episodes into Master of None and ready to say it's the best attempt at an updated episodic Singles so far.
The Netflix series follows Dev, played by co-creator Aziz Ansari, as he dips his toe into a different aspect of modern life each episode, never quite completely understanding any of them, hence the title. Dev discusses his problems with his diverse friend group including the handsome Asian Brian, black lesbian Denise, and the token schlubby white guy Arnold. Ansari isn't exactly the best actor in the cast, but he has good chemistry with everyone else, especially his romantic interest played by Noel Wells, who had a brief but respectable tenure at SNL during the big adjustment period two years ago.
In the first episode Dev considers parenthood after a miniature pregnancy scare. He spends the day babysitting a friend's kids and decides it's not for him. (The friend is Polly from Orange Is The New Black by the way. I nearly went crazy trying to figure it out. I got so desperate I read the YouTube comments on a trailer which thankfully pointed me in the right direction.) The second episode is about Dev and Brian's relationships with their respective immigrant parents. Dev's parents are played by Ansari's actual mother and father, who are excellent. In the third episode Dev gets mixed up by the dynamics and decorum of communicating through text. Digital communication is a difficult thing to portray on screen and the show handles it effortlessly.
Everything about Master of None is stylistically fresh and engaging yet comfortable. The subject matter is familiar but that's the point. The narrative of unappreciative second generation immigrants is older than the main cast combined but it's never been told quite like this. Aziz Ansari is a comedian first and foremost. With this show all he needs to do is make a few observations that ring true and maybe expand your point of view. He also has to be funny, which is not even in question. Master of None is a smart, hilarious, vaguely autobiographical series. It's like Louie if Louis C.K. were as young as his audience. And a tiny Indian man. So how much will it distract me from watching Mad Men?
Mad Men threat level: 9/10
The latest TV series starring Kermit and the crew was pretty highly anticipated despite "controversy" but soon after it premiered critics started tearing it apart. No one could have predicted a work-place mockumentary for the Muppets and the tone certainly takes some getting used to but I stand by the good words I had for the premiere. The jokes are excellent and the concept allows for more absurdity than the typical workplace sitcom. In the sixth episode Broadway legend Kristin Chenoweth goes on a road trip with the Electric Mayhem band and when she accidentally upsets them they abandon her in the middle of the desert. Kristin Chenoweth might be dead for all we know. No one on The Office ever killed a Tony winner except for Creed maybe. Now The Muppets is getting retooled but I think that's a mistake. All the show needs is some time to grow on the audience.
Mad Men threat level: Holds at 8/10
Network TV has been missing a good spy show lately so there was plenty of opportunity for Quantico. The only other contender is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. which, with some exception, has struggled to balance its espionage aspects with its comic book roots. I said before that a full blownsies spy show that wants to be a Shonda Rhimes show has appeal. Unfortunately, the performances on Quantico are just too wooden. I don't care about any of the characters or story lines save for the cop from Sense8 who died in the first episode and Eddie Thawne from The Flash but even that could just be good vibes carrying over from The Flash itself.
The Netflix series follows Dev, played by co-creator Aziz Ansari, as he dips his toe into a different aspect of modern life each episode, never quite completely understanding any of them, hence the title. Dev discusses his problems with his diverse friend group including the handsome Asian Brian, black lesbian Denise, and the token schlubby white guy Arnold. Ansari isn't exactly the best actor in the cast, but he has good chemistry with everyone else, especially his romantic interest played by Noel Wells, who had a brief but respectable tenure at SNL during the big adjustment period two years ago.
In the first episode Dev considers parenthood after a miniature pregnancy scare. He spends the day babysitting a friend's kids and decides it's not for him. (The friend is Polly from Orange Is The New Black by the way. I nearly went crazy trying to figure it out. I got so desperate I read the YouTube comments on a trailer which thankfully pointed me in the right direction.) The second episode is about Dev and Brian's relationships with their respective immigrant parents. Dev's parents are played by Ansari's actual mother and father, who are excellent. In the third episode Dev gets mixed up by the dynamics and decorum of communicating through text. Digital communication is a difficult thing to portray on screen and the show handles it effortlessly.
Everything about Master of None is stylistically fresh and engaging yet comfortable. The subject matter is familiar but that's the point. The narrative of unappreciative second generation immigrants is older than the main cast combined but it's never been told quite like this. Aziz Ansari is a comedian first and foremost. With this show all he needs to do is make a few observations that ring true and maybe expand your point of view. He also has to be funny, which is not even in question. Master of None is a smart, hilarious, vaguely autobiographical series. It's like Louie if Louis C.K. were as young as his audience. And a tiny Indian man. So how much will it distract me from watching Mad Men?
Mad Men threat level: 9/10
Updates:
The Muppets
The latest TV series starring Kermit and the crew was pretty highly anticipated despite "controversy" but soon after it premiered critics started tearing it apart. No one could have predicted a work-place mockumentary for the Muppets and the tone certainly takes some getting used to but I stand by the good words I had for the premiere. The jokes are excellent and the concept allows for more absurdity than the typical workplace sitcom. In the sixth episode Broadway legend Kristin Chenoweth goes on a road trip with the Electric Mayhem band and when she accidentally upsets them they abandon her in the middle of the desert. Kristin Chenoweth might be dead for all we know. No one on The Office ever killed a Tony winner except for Creed maybe. Now The Muppets is getting retooled but I think that's a mistake. All the show needs is some time to grow on the audience.
Mad Men threat level: Holds at 8/10
Quantico
Network TV has been missing a good spy show lately so there was plenty of opportunity for Quantico. The only other contender is Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. which, with some exception, has struggled to balance its espionage aspects with its comic book roots. I said before that a full blownsies spy show that wants to be a Shonda Rhimes show has appeal. Unfortunately, the performances on Quantico are just too wooden. I don't care about any of the characters or story lines save for the cop from Sense8 who died in the first episode and Eddie Thawne from The Flash but even that could just be good vibes carrying over from The Flash itself.
Mad Men threat level: Down to 2/10
Friday, October 30, 2015
The Beast Who Bit Richelle Verlaine: A Werewolf Western
You don't usually hear about a woman getting so enraged she sees red but I've done it. In tenth grade I had a real bad day. I missed the bus, got to class late, got a detention scheduled for it, there was a hair in my lunch so I went hungry and it didn't help that, according to Mom, I came out ornery and I'll be ornery when they put me in the ground. Then Lisa Chandler called me a "cunt" just for bumping into her in the hallway when she was standing still. Red. I slammed her head into the wall. She fell onto her stomach and I climbed on top of her. Red. I grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled up, ready to put a crack in the tile. Another misconception is that when you see red you lose all control. Really you just lose most control. Still red. I let go of her head and hoped gravity would hurt her at least a little. I punched her shoulder blades three times before someone's hands got under my pits and pulled me off her. I punched the air a few times and poor Mr. Meadows took an elbow to the chin. Full damn rainbow. I apologized to Mr. Meadows not quite as profusely as I should have and then I took a totally voluntary brief vacation from school on account of my "exhaustion."
Speaking of myths and misconceptions, you might be interested to know that werewolves exist. I can prove it but your better off just taking my word for it. Even if you don't, it wouldn't hurt to stay in and lock your doors extra tight on nights with a full moon. One night is all it takes, but obviously you can't know what night it's going to be until it's too late. After that you never forget the date and you can go out any night you want without much fear of danger. My date was Thursday, March 8, 2012. After work I drove into the city to run some errands. On the drive home I got a flat tire. I hadn't seen any headlights for miles so when I got out the car I stood in the middle of the road, took a deep breath and stared into the clear night sky to calm my nerves. The moon wasn't especially bright, but I've never seen a dull full moon, certainly not recently. I looked into a cluster of stars until I felt it look back then I went on to the next. Eventually I felt calm enough to change the tire without getting frustrated and introducing the tire iron to my good friend and only mode of transportation. I got the jack out of the trunk then moved to the back left tire.
When my foot hit the grass I started to think about where I was. Alone in the middle of nowhere. Nothing between me and the wall of trees mortared with black void. I told myself there was nothing out there. I put one knee on the ground and my phone next to it with the light pointing up then got to work on the tire. Something snapped. It was nothing. If there was I sure wasn't fool enough to go towards it. If I just looked to see that there was nothing there I could relax. It would be easier to change the tire if my hands weren't shaking. I picked up my phone and pointed it at the woods. Nothing. I turned back and put my phone down. The wolf growled. I turned around and saw it, eyes alive with darkness, breath leaving its snout like steam from an engine, moonlight flowing into the white spots of its fur like a stream joining the river. A heartbeat later its jaw was clasped around my shoulder.
I woke up in the hospital the next morning. The nurse told me someone drove up and scared the wolf away then called 911. She stayed long enough to make sure I would live then left. I asked if I could get her information to thank her but the hospital couldn't give it to me for privacy reasons. Fair enough. All they could tell me was her name. Amy Grace. Usually that's enough to track down everything from a person's favorite movie to their preferred brand of undergarment but not Amy Grace. Her Facebook is little more than a picture. I called my boss to tell him I was going to be out for a few days. The hospital already called my parents. I reached them just in time to stop them from wasting money on a plane ticket. The last thing any of us needs is for them to work themselves up about me. That afternoon Amy Grace came back.
"I'm glad you're doing better. I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were... you looked so... I just couldn't get you out of my mind. But you look better already," she said. She smiled but seemed afraid that she hurt my feelings, like I didn't know that I looked like I just survived a wolf attack.
"Thank you," was all I could say. She just smiled again then turned to leave. "Please stay. You saved my life. I have to thank you at least a few more times." She stayed under the condition that I didn't say "thank you" again. We talked for hours. Before she left we exchanged information so I could let her know I was doing okay and keep her mind at ease. She didn't say I couldn't text her a few dozen "thank you"'s. I stayed in the hospital for a week recovering from deep cuts and broken bones. Three weeks went by like normal. Black.
I woke up naked in the middle of the woods next to a deer carcass. All of my half-healed scars from a month before were gone. According to the local news and my own guesstimation I was less than a mile from a human carcass. It didn't prove anything. Still, I had seen enough movies to have some idea what was happening, hard as it was to believe. At home I started researching werewolves. It was mostly the same stuff everyone knows. Other theories were obviously just made up. Some things just felt true. Apparently the transformation comes with a certain kind of supernatural self-awareness. The good stuff only kicked in after the first transition. On the hike home I had felt more thorns than I could count dig into my skin but they all healed before even a drop of blood could spill. I was more vulnerable as a wolf but there are only so many dangers to a wolf. A silver bullet could kill me in any form. There was a way to get rid of the wolf. I had to kill the one who gave it to me but only under the full moon.
I kept my ear to the ground for any strange occurrences, animal attacks, or business trips once a month. I was talking with Amy almost everyday. In July she told me about Miranda at work who everyone says is bipolar because she freaks out every few weeks. On August 2 I followed Miranda into the woods. At dusk she started taking her clothes off, folding them neatly even though she clearly chose them because they could be spared if she didn't get them off before the change.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I'm like you."
"Like me? Did you do this to me?"
"No. Did you do it to me."
"No. I don't think so."
She was telling the truth. The wolf was still in me the next day. There's no telling how many people Miranda hurt over the past year. Two months later I found out Jason didn't do it either. In November it was Ben. In December it was Pete. January, Max. April, Mary. In May Mitchell made plans to be with his family all night. I think Mary changed him. In July I met Steven. When I caught up to him he was locking on a metal collar tied to a tree with a thick chain. It looked huge around his skinny neck and under his thinning hair. About thirty yards away I could see his over sized suit hanging from a branch.
"Say the word and I'll run in the other direction even if it was you that turned me," I told him.
"You would know if it was me." It felt true. I stepped back.
"Stay," he said.
On months when I wasn't hunting I used his collar and chain on myself. I hunted Kasey, Logan, James, Julia, and Roger. Amy started to notice my lunar absences. I figured she deserved nothing less than the truth. She took it about as well as expected. I hunted Chris and Louise. Word got to me about a rich business man who drove into the country once a month for "stress relief." He happened to show up at the first of a very few gas stations between the city and the town. It was him. I knew it. I had to see Amy.
"You don't have to believe everything, just trust me when I say after tonight it will all be over. I found him. It's almost over," I said.
"What do you mean? You're going to..."
"End it. Everything will be over."
"What if he..."
"He won't," I hope she never cries again, "but one way or another it all ends tonight." I squeezed the two silver bullets in my pocket; one was for Thomas.
I went to Thomas' country house and waited. He led me into the woods. When he stopped to take off his clothes I stopped too. I cut one last message into a tree and left the gun there where I could find it in case we both survived in the morning.
"What are you doing here?"
"You made me like you. Now I'm undoing it and all the others you've made."
"I suppose I can't blame you and I can't stop you from trying, but I'll certainly try to kill you first."
The change started. Black. No control. Only tooth and claw and him and Amy Grace. I bit his throat. He clawed my shoulder. He bit my leg. I scratched his face. He scratched mine. I scratched again. He bit my throat. Bite, scratch, bite, bite. She pulled the trigger. He was gone. Still black. I went towards the noise, towards Amy Grace. Please, fire again. I can't stop. Please. You have to shoot me. Fucking Technicolor. The wolf was gone.
"You saved me again."
"You're welcome," she said.
The wounds weren't healing. I collapsed in her arms. She called 911. We rode that ambulance into the sunrise as survivors of another wild animal attack.
Speaking of myths and misconceptions, you might be interested to know that werewolves exist. I can prove it but your better off just taking my word for it. Even if you don't, it wouldn't hurt to stay in and lock your doors extra tight on nights with a full moon. One night is all it takes, but obviously you can't know what night it's going to be until it's too late. After that you never forget the date and you can go out any night you want without much fear of danger. My date was Thursday, March 8, 2012. After work I drove into the city to run some errands. On the drive home I got a flat tire. I hadn't seen any headlights for miles so when I got out the car I stood in the middle of the road, took a deep breath and stared into the clear night sky to calm my nerves. The moon wasn't especially bright, but I've never seen a dull full moon, certainly not recently. I looked into a cluster of stars until I felt it look back then I went on to the next. Eventually I felt calm enough to change the tire without getting frustrated and introducing the tire iron to my good friend and only mode of transportation. I got the jack out of the trunk then moved to the back left tire.
I woke up in the hospital the next morning. The nurse told me someone drove up and scared the wolf away then called 911. She stayed long enough to make sure I would live then left. I asked if I could get her information to thank her but the hospital couldn't give it to me for privacy reasons. Fair enough. All they could tell me was her name. Amy Grace. Usually that's enough to track down everything from a person's favorite movie to their preferred brand of undergarment but not Amy Grace. Her Facebook is little more than a picture. I called my boss to tell him I was going to be out for a few days. The hospital already called my parents. I reached them just in time to stop them from wasting money on a plane ticket. The last thing any of us needs is for them to work themselves up about me. That afternoon Amy Grace came back.
"I'm glad you're doing better. I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were... you looked so... I just couldn't get you out of my mind. But you look better already," she said. She smiled but seemed afraid that she hurt my feelings, like I didn't know that I looked like I just survived a wolf attack.
"Thank you," was all I could say. She just smiled again then turned to leave. "Please stay. You saved my life. I have to thank you at least a few more times." She stayed under the condition that I didn't say "thank you" again. We talked for hours. Before she left we exchanged information so I could let her know I was doing okay and keep her mind at ease. She didn't say I couldn't text her a few dozen "thank you"'s. I stayed in the hospital for a week recovering from deep cuts and broken bones. Three weeks went by like normal. Black.
I woke up naked in the middle of the woods next to a deer carcass. All of my half-healed scars from a month before were gone. According to the local news and my own guesstimation I was less than a mile from a human carcass. It didn't prove anything. Still, I had seen enough movies to have some idea what was happening, hard as it was to believe. At home I started researching werewolves. It was mostly the same stuff everyone knows. Other theories were obviously just made up. Some things just felt true. Apparently the transformation comes with a certain kind of supernatural self-awareness. The good stuff only kicked in after the first transition. On the hike home I had felt more thorns than I could count dig into my skin but they all healed before even a drop of blood could spill. I was more vulnerable as a wolf but there are only so many dangers to a wolf. A silver bullet could kill me in any form. There was a way to get rid of the wolf. I had to kill the one who gave it to me but only under the full moon.
I kept my ear to the ground for any strange occurrences, animal attacks, or business trips once a month. I was talking with Amy almost everyday. In July she told me about Miranda at work who everyone says is bipolar because she freaks out every few weeks. On August 2 I followed Miranda into the woods. At dusk she started taking her clothes off, folding them neatly even though she clearly chose them because they could be spared if she didn't get them off before the change.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I'm like you."
"Like me? Did you do this to me?"
"No. Did you do it to me."
"No. I don't think so."
She was telling the truth. The wolf was still in me the next day. There's no telling how many people Miranda hurt over the past year. Two months later I found out Jason didn't do it either. In November it was Ben. In December it was Pete. January, Max. April, Mary. In May Mitchell made plans to be with his family all night. I think Mary changed him. In July I met Steven. When I caught up to him he was locking on a metal collar tied to a tree with a thick chain. It looked huge around his skinny neck and under his thinning hair. About thirty yards away I could see his over sized suit hanging from a branch.
"Say the word and I'll run in the other direction even if it was you that turned me," I told him.
"You would know if it was me." It felt true. I stepped back.
"Stay," he said.
On months when I wasn't hunting I used his collar and chain on myself. I hunted Kasey, Logan, James, Julia, and Roger. Amy started to notice my lunar absences. I figured she deserved nothing less than the truth. She took it about as well as expected. I hunted Chris and Louise. Word got to me about a rich business man who drove into the country once a month for "stress relief." He happened to show up at the first of a very few gas stations between the city and the town. It was him. I knew it. I had to see Amy.
"You don't have to believe everything, just trust me when I say after tonight it will all be over. I found him. It's almost over," I said.
"What do you mean? You're going to..."
"End it. Everything will be over."
"What if he..."
"He won't," I hope she never cries again, "but one way or another it all ends tonight." I squeezed the two silver bullets in my pocket; one was for Thomas.
I went to Thomas' country house and waited. He led me into the woods. When he stopped to take off his clothes I stopped too. I cut one last message into a tree and left the gun there where I could find it in case we both survived in the morning.
 |
| Thank You |
"You made me like you. Now I'm undoing it and all the others you've made."
"I suppose I can't blame you and I can't stop you from trying, but I'll certainly try to kill you first."
The change started. Black. No control. Only tooth and claw and him and Amy Grace. I bit his throat. He clawed my shoulder. He bit my leg. I scratched his face. He scratched mine. I scratched again. He bit my throat. Bite, scratch, bite, bite. She pulled the trigger. He was gone. Still black. I went towards the noise, towards Amy Grace. Please, fire again. I can't stop. Please. You have to shoot me. Fucking Technicolor. The wolf was gone.
"You saved me again."
"You're welcome," she said.
The wounds weren't healing. I collapsed in her arms. She called 911. We rode that ambulance into the sunrise as survivors of another wild animal attack.
Friday, October 23, 2015
On The Sunny Side of The Sequel
Not long ago I had a conversation with an acquaintance about movies. I hadn't seen Jurassic World yet and she said it was inferior to the original Jurassic Park but superior to the two sequels that followed it. I said that made sense based on what I'd heard about it and what I had seen of the original trilogy. She said, "Of course, the rule of sequels. They're almost always worse." I didn't say it at the time, but I realized the old rule doesn't really apply anymore.
Sequels have always been a major part of the film industry but now more so than ever. In 2014 six of the ten best performing movies in the U.S. were sequels, prequels or spin-offs which is what we'll call Guardians of the Galaxy. Just look at the list.
Half of those titles have colons in them. One even has a hyphen that effectively serves as a second colon. If we consider the live-action Marvel movies as part of the same franchise, Guardians, Captain America, The Hobbit, X-Men and Transformers are all the fourth or higher entry. We've reached a point in cinematic history where the rules of trilogies don't apply anymore. Instead of abandoning a series after one or two failures studios keep making sequels until something sticks, AKA The Bond Method.
That sounds bad and favoring old franchises over fresh new ideas is definitely a problem but you can't argue with the results. Some of the best blockbuster movies in recent years have been the fourth installment or higher. Just this summer the fourth Mad Max movie and the first since 1985 was praised like it was the second coming. It has a well earned score of 97% on the rating site Rotten Tomatoes. That's higher than Schindler's List.
Of course, all of the Mad Max movies have pretty impressive scores, all "Certified Fresh." The Fast and The Furious franchise on the other hand was for years seen as the epitome of low-brow trash. The first one got a 53% in 2001 and it only got worse from there until Fast Five shot up to a respectable 78%, the next one a 69% and the most recent Furious 7 pulled off an 81%. Similarly Mission: Impossible was seen as a poor man's Bond or Bourne until 2011's Ghost Protocol and 2015's Rogue Nation, which both earned a 91%, over 20 higher than any of the previous three. It's not quite as extreme of a U-turn as Fast and Furious but still impressive.
Maybe the first indication that sequels could start to outperform their predecessors was the rise of the superhero genre. Because the first in a superhero series is usually a familiar and formulaic origin story, the second movie is where things can really take off. Arguably, that's been the way since Christopher Reeve and Richard Donner basically created the superhero film genre in 1978. At 93%, the classic Superman is just barely higher rated than Superman II at 89%. There's certainly room for discussion there and plenty of people justifiably consider Superman II the best movie about my favorite Kryptonian. The next great superhero series didn't arrive until 1989's Batman which has a score eight percent lower than its sequel's 80%.
The nu-metal blaring half-vampire vampire hunting Blade, which was the first financially successful Marvel movie in 1998, has a score of 54%, three points lower than Blade II. Those low scores are probably why the narrative of the superhero renaissance often overlooks Blade and instead credits the X-Men series with kicking off the Marvel Age of movies. 2000's X-Men scored 81% and X2 scored 86%. A couple of years later Sam Raimi's beloved Spider-Man premiered, gaining an 89% followed by Spider-Man 2, which has a 93%, is almost universally considered one of the greatest superhero films ever made, and is one of my personal favorite movies.
Oddly enough, one of the most prominent examples of a superhero sequel that's actually worse than its predecessor is Amazing Spider-Man 2. The sequel to a reboot scored almost 20 points lower than The Amazing Spider-Man's 72%. In a few years Spidey will be rebooted again when he joins the same Marvel Cinematic Universe as the Avengers, which is a big mixed bag of sequel quality. 2008's Iron Man, the mother of the Avengers, scored 94% but Iron Man 2 has a much lower but still respectable 72% and Iron Man 3 has 79%. Thor starts off with a 77% and its aggressively mediocre sequel has a 66%. 2011's Captain America: The First Avenger has a 79% and the aforementioned Winter Soldier, another personal favorite and a highlight of the MCU, has a much better 89%. The Avengers, a perfect action movie, has a 92% and the much more complicated?, let's go with complicated, Avengers: Age of Ultron has a 74%.
Even after disappointments like The Dark World and Age of Ultron fans flocked to Ant-Man and will probably do the same for next year's Captain America: Civil War, myself included, because to be a fan of anything you have to be forgiving. You can't give up on a football team after a bad season and you can't give up on a musician after one bad album. That's why earlier this week people broke the Internet trying to buy tickets to Star Wars VII even though the overwhelming majority of those people thought the three movies that came before it were the greatest threat to humanity since a time traveler almost stepped on an single-cell organism once billions of years ago. Still, it's worrying to think that all of this franchise loyalty makes it harder for the next Star Wars that isn't actually Star Wars to break through. Nevertheless, you can be sure I'll watch the Rocky continuation Creed but then again I'd watch just about any movie where Michael B. Jordan punches people in the face. There's no way I'm missing Spectre but I've seen every Bond movie since Casino Royale as long as you count sleeping through Quantum of Solace. And I'll certainly be in theaters for The Force Awakens but I'd do the same for any movie that has Oscar Isaac and the original cast of Star Wars and lightsabers and the Millennium Falcon and Gwendoline Christie and Adam Driver and more lightsabers and is directed by J.J. Abrams.
Sequels have always been a major part of the film industry but now more so than ever. In 2014 six of the ten best performing movies in the U.S. were sequels, prequels or spin-offs which is what we'll call Guardians of the Galaxy. Just look at the list.
- American Sniper
- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1
- Guardians of the Galaxy
- Captain America: The Winter Soldier
- The Lego Movie
- The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
- Transformers: Age of Extinction
- Maleficent
- X-Men: Days of Future Past
- Big Hero 6
Half of those titles have colons in them. One even has a hyphen that effectively serves as a second colon. If we consider the live-action Marvel movies as part of the same franchise, Guardians, Captain America, The Hobbit, X-Men and Transformers are all the fourth or higher entry. We've reached a point in cinematic history where the rules of trilogies don't apply anymore. Instead of abandoning a series after one or two failures studios keep making sequels until something sticks, AKA The Bond Method.
 |
| Maybe the method works but... |
 |
| Shia LaBeouf is no one's 007. |
 |
| I think we all know what made the difference. |
Maybe the first indication that sequels could start to outperform their predecessors was the rise of the superhero genre. Because the first in a superhero series is usually a familiar and formulaic origin story, the second movie is where things can really take off. Arguably, that's been the way since Christopher Reeve and Richard Donner basically created the superhero film genre in 1978. At 93%, the classic Superman is just barely higher rated than Superman II at 89%. There's certainly room for discussion there and plenty of people justifiably consider Superman II the best movie about my favorite Kryptonian. The next great superhero series didn't arrive until 1989's Batman which has a score eight percent lower than its sequel's 80%.
The nu-metal blaring half-vampire vampire hunting Blade, which was the first financially successful Marvel movie in 1998, has a score of 54%, three points lower than Blade II. Those low scores are probably why the narrative of the superhero renaissance often overlooks Blade and instead credits the X-Men series with kicking off the Marvel Age of movies. 2000's X-Men scored 81% and X2 scored 86%. A couple of years later Sam Raimi's beloved Spider-Man premiered, gaining an 89% followed by Spider-Man 2, which has a 93%, is almost universally considered one of the greatest superhero films ever made, and is one of my personal favorite movies.
Oddly enough, one of the most prominent examples of a superhero sequel that's actually worse than its predecessor is Amazing Spider-Man 2. The sequel to a reboot scored almost 20 points lower than The Amazing Spider-Man's 72%. In a few years Spidey will be rebooted again when he joins the same Marvel Cinematic Universe as the Avengers, which is a big mixed bag of sequel quality. 2008's Iron Man, the mother of the Avengers, scored 94% but Iron Man 2 has a much lower but still respectable 72% and Iron Man 3 has 79%. Thor starts off with a 77% and its aggressively mediocre sequel has a 66%. 2011's Captain America: The First Avenger has a 79% and the aforementioned Winter Soldier, another personal favorite and a highlight of the MCU, has a much better 89%. The Avengers, a perfect action movie, has a 92% and the much more complicated?, let's go with complicated, Avengers: Age of Ultron has a 74%.
 |
| Yes. Complicated. |
Friday, October 16, 2015
The Music of 'Back to the Future'
We are now less than a week from October 21, 2015, the day that Doc Brown, Marty McFly, and the latter's girlfriend Jennifer Parker arrived at from the then present of 1985 in the beginning of Back to The Future Part II. It's an exciting time to be a fan of one of the greatest movie trilogies ever. Corporations have been trying their hardest to make our 2015 look like the fictional one, with a trailer for Jaws 19, something that miiight be a working hoverboard and a reunion of the series' stars Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd who talk about what the future looked like to them thirty years ago like they're out for coffee with Jerry Seinfeld. However, the best part of the celebration is an excuse to watch the movies again, or perhaps in some rare cases a chance to watch them for the first time. To experience the time travel hijinks and the flux capacitor and other serious shit. To hear the music that made the movies what they are.
Music is an intrinsic part of Back to the Future, even more so than the typical movie. It is present all through the fabric of the films including the plot. Marty McFly longs to be rockstar and as the first movie opens he is playing guitar. At the climax he finds himself on stage at his parents' high school dance. One of the most iconic scenes of the franchise is Marty playing Chuck Berry's rock and roll anthem "Johnny B. Goode" years before it had ever been written. Generations since are hardly aware of the song outside of the context of Marty's anachronistic performance. While Marty is playing Berry gets a call from his cousin Marvin, the guitarist Marty replaced. Marvin introduces Chuck to "that new sound [he's] been looking for" and it certainly is a new sound. "Johnny B. Goode" was the perfect choice for the scene because even when it was actually created in 1958 it was far ahead of its time. It was faster, more dense, and more exciting than anything before. Yet at the same time it's thematically timeless. It's the most prominent telling of the mythology of the rags-to-riches rock star which has roots in and before the 19th century work of Horatio Alger and continues to resonate in music to this day, especially in hip-hop.
Marty imbues "Johnny B. Goode" with performing styles popular in the 80's because that's what he's most familiar with. McFly is a modern fellow and he listens to modern music. Back to the Future is Huey Lewis and the News' greatest claim to fame. Their first hit was "The Power of Love," created specially for the movie. It plays during Marty's skateboard commute to school and he and his band play it in their tryout for the Battle of the Bands. An audition that they fail because a character played by Huey Lewis himself tells them they are too loud. Huey Lewis gets a bad rep and his songs certainly date the film, which actually makes them perfect for a time travel movie. Nothing says 1980's like an original hit song by Huey Lewis and the News. Then again, there's also a noticeable 50's influence in a lot of their music, specifically doo-wop. Reputation aside, the band's sound is perfect for the lighthearted, energetic tone of BttF.
Hit singles are just the tip of the iceberg that is the music of Back to the Future. Underneath is the fantastic original orchestral score composed by Alan Silvestri. 1985 was the beginning of Silvestri's long, illustrious career of scoring tremendous adventures, including movies as recent as the Night at the Museum trilogy, The Avengers, and The Walk. It was also the second of many collaborations with director Robert Zemeckis, the first being Romancing the Stone, and later films including Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump, and the aforementioned Walk. Silvestri's score for Back to the Future established him at the forefront of his field, it is so grand and thrilling. The sense of flight and wonder is perhaps surpassed only by John Williams' scores for Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and especially Superman.
Music is just one of many threads that make up the delicate but flawless tapestry of the Back to the Future trilogy. If one string is pulled away the whole thing would fall apart. Without Michael J. Fox's grounded but lively performance Marty McFly would just be what a young person looked like to adults in the 1980's, all guitars and skateboards and resentment for authority. Cast, director, writer, Huey Lewis, the News. Every piece is irreplaceable. That's why it has so far resisted the call of the reboot. Because it's bigger than any one person, place or thing. Because it's an odyssey that transcends time and defies the greed in the hearts of men. Because Huey Lewis really does have some pretty good stuff.
Marty imbues "Johnny B. Goode" with performing styles popular in the 80's because that's what he's most familiar with. McFly is a modern fellow and he listens to modern music. Back to the Future is Huey Lewis and the News' greatest claim to fame. Their first hit was "The Power of Love," created specially for the movie. It plays during Marty's skateboard commute to school and he and his band play it in their tryout for the Battle of the Bands. An audition that they fail because a character played by Huey Lewis himself tells them they are too loud. Huey Lewis gets a bad rep and his songs certainly date the film, which actually makes them perfect for a time travel movie. Nothing says 1980's like an original hit song by Huey Lewis and the News. Then again, there's also a noticeable 50's influence in a lot of their music, specifically doo-wop. Reputation aside, the band's sound is perfect for the lighthearted, energetic tone of BttF.
Hit singles are just the tip of the iceberg that is the music of Back to the Future. Underneath is the fantastic original orchestral score composed by Alan Silvestri. 1985 was the beginning of Silvestri's long, illustrious career of scoring tremendous adventures, including movies as recent as the Night at the Museum trilogy, The Avengers, and The Walk. It was also the second of many collaborations with director Robert Zemeckis, the first being Romancing the Stone, and later films including Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump, and the aforementioned Walk. Silvestri's score for Back to the Future established him at the forefront of his field, it is so grand and thrilling. The sense of flight and wonder is perhaps surpassed only by John Williams' scores for Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and especially Superman.
Music is just one of many threads that make up the delicate but flawless tapestry of the Back to the Future trilogy. If one string is pulled away the whole thing would fall apart. Without Michael J. Fox's grounded but lively performance Marty McFly would just be what a young person looked like to adults in the 1980's, all guitars and skateboards and resentment for authority. Cast, director, writer, Huey Lewis, the News. Every piece is irreplaceable. That's why it has so far resisted the call of the reboot. Because it's bigger than any one person, place or thing. Because it's an odyssey that transcends time and defies the greed in the hearts of men. Because Huey Lewis really does have some pretty good stuff.
Friday, October 9, 2015
The Seven Best Versions of Scooby-Doo
They say "if it ain't broke don't fix it," but they don't say much about changing a few things here or there. When Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! first aired in 1969 it created a trend of teenagers solving mysteries with a goofy sidekick. By sticking to a reliable formula but adapting with the times Scooby-Doo became one of the most recognizable and enduring figures in popular culture. There have been over a dozen different versions of the Mystery Incorporated team on TV alone. The most recent incarnation, Be Cool, Scooby-Doo, aired on Cartoon Network on Monday. This is the kind of legacy it has to live up to.
In the late 60's the cartoon makers at Hanna-Barbera wanted to get away from violent superheroes to appease concerned parents so they moved towards gothic horror. They created Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! as a home for safe adventures with running and traps instead of face punches. Before long several elements of the show entered the zeitgeist like the traditional unmasking of the villain followed by the phrase "I would have gotten away with if it weren't for you meddling kids." Also, the characters became cultural touchstones; Fred the leader, Daphne the pretty one, Velma the nerd, Shaggy the slacker, and Scooby the talking dog, a must-have for any friend group.
The follow up to Where Are You! had the same structure but with one important addition. When the Mystery Machine broke down the gang found a celebrity to help them solve the mystery. Among the famous faces were The Three Stooges, Phyllis Diller and Mama Cass. Ironically, Batman and Robin proved a natural fit and appeared in two different episodes of The New Scooby-Doo Movies. The team-up had enough impact that it was revisited as recently as a 2011 episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold and in 2014 the Dynamic Duo kicked off the comic book series Scooby-Doo Team Up. Celebrity cameos became an intrinsic element of the franchise with appearances by John Cena, KISS, Harlan Ellison and Ruben Studdard.
In 1988 the version of Scooby-Doo that is the farthest from the rest arrived. As the title implies, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo follows the adventures of a much younger, more cartoonish Mystery Inc. Instead of roaming the country the team solved mysteries in their own backyard in the town of Coolsville while defying physics in a zany Loony Tunes style. In four seasons the show made some memorable additions to the Scooby mythos that are rarely referenced afterwards, for instance, Fred's nemesis Red Herring, who gets blamed for every crime but is never guilty.
After A Pup Named Scooby-Doo the team laid low for a while. In 1998 the series was revitalized by the direct-to-video Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. Contrary to popular belief, Zombie Island is not the first Scooby-Doo story with monsters that are real, but it is the first to feature monsters that are a real threat. Along with zombies, the island was inhabited by supernatural spirits, face melting voo-doo, and soul-sucking werecats, none of which were the result of masks and at least one of which was thoroughly malicious. The following two movies, The Witch's Ghost and The Alien Invaders had a similar tone and supernatural facet, and Witch's Ghost introduced the beloved Wiccan goth rock band The Hex Girls.
In 2002 Scooby appeared in his first TV show since A Pup Named Scooby-Doo. What's New Scooby-Doo? is for the most part a straightforward early-2000's adaptation of Where are You? The gang drives around in a van pulling off masks and having a talking dog. It was an attempt to get back to basics and a fairly successful one at that. The biggest difference between 1969 and 2002 is one has more pop punk. So much pop punk. If nothing else, What's New can be remembered for having Scooby-Doo's best theme song, as performed by Simple Plan who also appeared as themselves in one episode. There was also a fair bit of classic punk. Whether they realize it or not, What's New, Scooby-Doo? was the first place a lot of millennials ever encountered The Ramones.
The same year What's New, Scooby-Doo? premiered Mystery Incorporated made its first major motion picture appearance, with a CGI Scooby and the rest of the gang in live-action. Although Scooby-Doo is famous for its formula, it's worth noting that a big component of that formula is strangeness and that's what makes the live-action Scooby-Doo so entertaining. It's pretty bonkers. The monsters are real again and they're stealing teenagers' souls and inhabiting their bodies. They are led by Scrappy-Doo, Scooby's spunky nephew who was added to the franchise in 1979 as a desperate attempt to boost ratings and swept under the rug in the late 80's. Instead of a mask, Scrappy's disguise is a robot Rowan Atkinson, just one example of the excellent casting for the movie. Fred and Daphne were played by early 00's power couple Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Geller. Linda Cardellini made the move from freak to geek to play Velma and Matthew Lillard played Shaggy. He was so right for the part that he's been voicing the animated version since 2010, which brings us to...
The last Scooby-Doo TV series before Be Cool is, with little question, the best version of Scooby-Doo possible. Instead of just solving a different mystery each week Mystery Inc. reimagines Coolsville as a Twin Peaks-like town full of conspiracy and mysticism. The very concept parodies the Scooby formula, serial mysteries, and gritty reboots, but like any good parody Mystery Inc. is also a fantastic version of the things it mocks. On top of all that, it is also the most stylized version of Scooby with a visual palate reminiscent of Guillermo del Toro. It's a smart, funny, children's cartoon with a dense mythology and beautiful animation. I can understand a need for constant reinvention but two seasons of Mystery Inc. doesn't seem like quite enough.
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!
In the late 60's the cartoon makers at Hanna-Barbera wanted to get away from violent superheroes to appease concerned parents so they moved towards gothic horror. They created Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! as a home for safe adventures with running and traps instead of face punches. Before long several elements of the show entered the zeitgeist like the traditional unmasking of the villain followed by the phrase "I would have gotten away with if it weren't for you meddling kids." Also, the characters became cultural touchstones; Fred the leader, Daphne the pretty one, Velma the nerd, Shaggy the slacker, and Scooby the talking dog, a must-have for any friend group.
The New Scooby-Doo Movies
The follow up to Where Are You! had the same structure but with one important addition. When the Mystery Machine broke down the gang found a celebrity to help them solve the mystery. Among the famous faces were The Three Stooges, Phyllis Diller and Mama Cass. Ironically, Batman and Robin proved a natural fit and appeared in two different episodes of The New Scooby-Doo Movies. The team-up had enough impact that it was revisited as recently as a 2011 episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold and in 2014 the Dynamic Duo kicked off the comic book series Scooby-Doo Team Up. Celebrity cameos became an intrinsic element of the franchise with appearances by John Cena, KISS, Harlan Ellison and Ruben Studdard.
A Pup Named Scooby-Doo
In 1988 the version of Scooby-Doo that is the farthest from the rest arrived. As the title implies, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo follows the adventures of a much younger, more cartoonish Mystery Inc. Instead of roaming the country the team solved mysteries in their own backyard in the town of Coolsville while defying physics in a zany Loony Tunes style. In four seasons the show made some memorable additions to the Scooby mythos that are rarely referenced afterwards, for instance, Fred's nemesis Red Herring, who gets blamed for every crime but is never guilty.
Zombie Island
After A Pup Named Scooby-Doo the team laid low for a while. In 1998 the series was revitalized by the direct-to-video Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. Contrary to popular belief, Zombie Island is not the first Scooby-Doo story with monsters that are real, but it is the first to feature monsters that are a real threat. Along with zombies, the island was inhabited by supernatural spirits, face melting voo-doo, and soul-sucking werecats, none of which were the result of masks and at least one of which was thoroughly malicious. The following two movies, The Witch's Ghost and The Alien Invaders had a similar tone and supernatural facet, and Witch's Ghost introduced the beloved Wiccan goth rock band The Hex Girls.
What's New, Scooby-Doo?
In 2002 Scooby appeared in his first TV show since A Pup Named Scooby-Doo. What's New Scooby-Doo? is for the most part a straightforward early-2000's adaptation of Where are You? The gang drives around in a van pulling off masks and having a talking dog. It was an attempt to get back to basics and a fairly successful one at that. The biggest difference between 1969 and 2002 is one has more pop punk. So much pop punk. If nothing else, What's New can be remembered for having Scooby-Doo's best theme song, as performed by Simple Plan who also appeared as themselves in one episode. There was also a fair bit of classic punk. Whether they realize it or not, What's New, Scooby-Doo? was the first place a lot of millennials ever encountered The Ramones.
The Movie
The same year What's New, Scooby-Doo? premiered Mystery Incorporated made its first major motion picture appearance, with a CGI Scooby and the rest of the gang in live-action. Although Scooby-Doo is famous for its formula, it's worth noting that a big component of that formula is strangeness and that's what makes the live-action Scooby-Doo so entertaining. It's pretty bonkers. The monsters are real again and they're stealing teenagers' souls and inhabiting their bodies. They are led by Scrappy-Doo, Scooby's spunky nephew who was added to the franchise in 1979 as a desperate attempt to boost ratings and swept under the rug in the late 80's. Instead of a mask, Scrappy's disguise is a robot Rowan Atkinson, just one example of the excellent casting for the movie. Fred and Daphne were played by early 00's power couple Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Geller. Linda Cardellini made the move from freak to geek to play Velma and Matthew Lillard played Shaggy. He was so right for the part that he's been voicing the animated version since 2010, which brings us to...
Mystery Incorporated
The last Scooby-Doo TV series before Be Cool is, with little question, the best version of Scooby-Doo possible. Instead of just solving a different mystery each week Mystery Inc. reimagines Coolsville as a Twin Peaks-like town full of conspiracy and mysticism. The very concept parodies the Scooby formula, serial mysteries, and gritty reboots, but like any good parody Mystery Inc. is also a fantastic version of the things it mocks. On top of all that, it is also the most stylized version of Scooby with a visual palate reminiscent of Guillermo del Toro. It's a smart, funny, children's cartoon with a dense mythology and beautiful animation. I can understand a need for constant reinvention but two seasons of Mystery Inc. doesn't seem like quite enough.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Mad Men Report: More TV Reviews That Have Next to Nothing to Do with 'Mad Men'
Last Friday I reviewed and rated the new TV shows that aired that week based on their potential to take time away from me watching Mad Men on Netflix. I enjoyed it, so I'm going to keep doing it for premieres in the foreseeable future and making adjustments whenever there's a change in a show's rating. Eventually I will finish Mad Men and move on to a new show on Netflix like Scandal or Farscape or Friday Night Lights, at which point the rating system will change. Try to contain your anguish.
It sure was nice of Quantico to put an anonymous sex scene in the first five minutes to let everyone know that these aren't just spies; they're sexy spies. They're not like all those impotent spies running around all over the place. Sarcasm aside, Quantico really does look like a solid drama set in the famous FBI training facility. The show takes a page from How to Get Away With Murder in order to subvert spoiler-phobia. We know what will happen, the mystery is in the journey. The focus is on Alex Parrish, played by Bollywood megastar Priyanka Chopra, as she enters the FBI Academy in the past and in the present she tries to figure out which of her peers was a terrorist the whole time and clear her own name. I'm far from the first to compare Quantico to a Shonda Rhimes show and the way I see it, until such time as Rhimes deems to give us a sexy spy show this will do just fine.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
The Jake and Amy romance has been a long time coming and now that it's here it works just fine. I don't foresee any Moonlighting problems from the 99. There'll be the typical on-again-off-again stuff but this show is so consistent it probably won't slow down for a second. The real danger is Captain Holt's departure for the PR department. Every episode Holt and Gina spend apart from the rest of the cast is a risk. Admittedly, it's still a relatively small risk because every episode Holt spends sparring with his nemesis Wuntch is a boon.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
How a comedy about the absence of people will sustain itself for even one more episode is one of the best mysteries on TV. The first season built an impressive cast from almost nothing then burned it to the ground with a surprising amount of literalness. Now Phil Miller has lost the last person on his side (again, quite literally), leaving Phil and Carol alone on Earth while Phil's brother drifts alone in space. We don't know for sure how or if they will come together but whatever happens, we probably won't see it coming.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
In its second episode the focus can shift from introductions to actually exhibiting the characters in Life in Pieces which is much to its benefit. However, it still feels stale even with vivid performances from James Brolin and Dianne Wiest.
Mad Men threat level: 3/10. Down from 4/10.
As with any good serial mystery, the more that is exposed the more questions arise. In the second episode of Blindspot the enigma is a little less about Jane Doe and a little more about the agent with his name on her back, Kurt Weller. We learn about his family and get a hint of why his name might be on Jane's back. However, Jane doesn't exactly disappear. She continues to struggle with what little she knows of her past and Blindspot continues on a strong start to an enormously promising new drama.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10. Up from 7/10.
The Daily Show has a long history as a kingmaker. It launched the careers of dozens of comedy stars so it was surprising to me that so many people doubted the successor Jon Stewart anointed himself. What makes The Daily Show great is smart writing and a trustworthy face; only one of those has really changed at all. However, what made Jon Stewart a beloved icon was his passion and despair. It was comforting to end the day knowing that someone so smart and dapper on the outside was just as baffled and frustrated on the inside as everyone else. That can and probably will come with time, or maybe Noah will develop an entirely different appeal, but for the next few years at least he shouldn't count on winning every Emmy like Stewart did.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Somehow John Stamos wasn't the first result when I Googled "aging lothario" but I don't know any other way to describe any character he has played in the past decade. What makes this particular silver fox stand out is that he doesn't just find out he has offspring, but his offspring has offspring. Likewise, Grandfathered is more than just a gimmick. The writing is smart and the pace is quick. Also, Stamos is joined by a great cast including millennial TV icon Josh Peck as Stamos' son and Paget Brewster as the baby grandmama.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
I've long been impressed by Fred Savage's TV directing work but it's nice to see him back in front of the camera. He plays an unassuming lawyer overshadowed by his charismatic brother who played a very assuming lawyer on TV. Savage is a believable everyman and Rob Lowe is Rob Lowe, which in this case thankfully means more Parks and Rec Lowe and a continued separation from douchey early 90's Lowe. What remains to be seen is how long the show can rely on mocking legal procedurals before the family aspect takes over completely and what kind of show it will be then.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Going into it's third season Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is the most confident it's been since it peaked in the end of season one. The show is strongest when it has a clearly defined enemy so it was a good move to introduce a big baddie in the season opener. It's less obvious how Constance Zimmer's mysterious Rosalind Price will fit in but she looks like she could turn out to be the most interesting sparring partner Director Coulson has ever had. The bigger question is where Simmons is but hopefully the answer won't come with the end of Fitz as the cool customer he's become tracking her down.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
I haven't read the short story or seen the movie that inspired this show. It should not feel as familiar as it does. The dialogue is too stiff and the characters aren't interesting. That's why I will no longer watch Minority Report. It is no longer a threat to Mad Men but it can rest easy knowing it inspired the title of this blog post and the one before it. Surely that will do something to ease the pain of losing one viewer and his meaningless reviews. Farewell Minority Report.
Mad Men threat level: 0/10
Quantico
It sure was nice of Quantico to put an anonymous sex scene in the first five minutes to let everyone know that these aren't just spies; they're sexy spies. They're not like all those impotent spies running around all over the place. Sarcasm aside, Quantico really does look like a solid drama set in the famous FBI training facility. The show takes a page from How to Get Away With Murder in order to subvert spoiler-phobia. We know what will happen, the mystery is in the journey. The focus is on Alex Parrish, played by Bollywood megastar Priyanka Chopra, as she enters the FBI Academy in the past and in the present she tries to figure out which of her peers was a terrorist the whole time and clear her own name. I'm far from the first to compare Quantico to a Shonda Rhimes show and the way I see it, until such time as Rhimes deems to give us a sexy spy show this will do just fine.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Brooklyn 99
The Jake and Amy romance has been a long time coming and now that it's here it works just fine. I don't foresee any Moonlighting problems from the 99. There'll be the typical on-again-off-again stuff but this show is so consistent it probably won't slow down for a second. The real danger is Captain Holt's departure for the PR department. Every episode Holt and Gina spend apart from the rest of the cast is a risk. Admittedly, it's still a relatively small risk because every episode Holt spends sparring with his nemesis Wuntch is a boon.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Last Man on Earth
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Life in Pieces
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| This if from the first episode because the second one doesn't have Jordan Peele so it really doesn't matter. |
Mad Men threat level: 3/10. Down from 4/10.
Blindspot
As with any good serial mystery, the more that is exposed the more questions arise. In the second episode of Blindspot the enigma is a little less about Jane Doe and a little more about the agent with his name on her back, Kurt Weller. We learn about his family and get a hint of why his name might be on Jane's back. However, Jane doesn't exactly disappear. She continues to struggle with what little she knows of her past and Blindspot continues on a strong start to an enormously promising new drama.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10. Up from 7/10.
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Grandfathered
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
The Grinder
I've long been impressed by Fred Savage's TV directing work but it's nice to see him back in front of the camera. He plays an unassuming lawyer overshadowed by his charismatic brother who played a very assuming lawyer on TV. Savage is a believable everyman and Rob Lowe is Rob Lowe, which in this case thankfully means more Parks and Rec Lowe and a continued separation from douchey early 90's Lowe. What remains to be seen is how long the show can rely on mocking legal procedurals before the family aspect takes over completely and what kind of show it will be then.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Minority Report
Mad Men threat level: 0/10
Friday, September 25, 2015
Mad Men Report: New TV Roundup
This week the fall TV season finally kicked into gear. Several new series started along with a host of returning favorites. There are so many good shows on now that I'm starting to think I picked a bad time to finally get into Mad Men. Hopefully some of the new bunch will fade away soon enough for me to get in some quality Draper time before Arrow and The Flash come back in a couple of weeks. In the meanwhile, here's a look at some of the shows trying to stand between me and my blissful contempt for any character played by Vincent Kartheiser.
Weeks like this make it hard to be optimistic about reboot culture. Minority Report isn't bad as far as buddy cop-meets-non-cop procedurals go but it is a show based on a movie based on a short story. The show has big shoes to fill considering the talent that went into those last two. The original story, about cops with future knowledge, is written by sci-fi luminary Phillip K. Dick and the 2002 movie is directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Cruise. With all that in mind, stars Meagan Good and Stark Sands perform admirably and have respectable chemistry. The special effects of the Phillip K. Dickish tech are clean almost to a fault. Even the machine that's supposed to be dangerously out of date looks shiny and new. Although the future isn't exactly "used" and the premise definitely is, Minority Report presents an interesting enough sci-fi universe to warrant a second viewing. Also, Nick Zano plays a sleazy seer, which could be fun.
On the surface the idea of Life in Pieces is "four separate short stories about one big family" which is admittedly kind of interesting, but the idea behind the scenes is probably "people have got to be getting tired of Modern Family by now, right? Maybe they'll go for this similar thing that's straighter and somehow whiter." To it's credit Life in Pieces has a very impressive cast including Tom Hanks' son Colin and Josh Brolin's father John, character actors Dan Bakkedahl and Zoe Lister-Jones, The Newsroom's Thomas Sadoski and Breaking Bad's Betsy Brandt, and the incomparable Dianne Wiest. However, the funniest actor in the pilot is Jordan Peele who only has a recurring role, so the show is worth watching at least as long as he's there.
I've been intrigued with Jamie Alexander since she was Jessi XX on Kyle XY about five years ago. It was nice to see her as Sif in the Thor films but it wasn't enough. Now she might finally get a chance to shine in a lead role in Blindspot. Alexander plays a woman who wakes up in the middle of Times Square with cryptic tattoos all over her body and no memory of anything that happened before that. The series, one of a small few entirely original shows this season, had a lot of hype surrounding it and it delivers on all fronts. It is thoroughly riveting and Alexander is gripping as someone who faces the need to build a life while facing a black hole of a past.
"Kermit and Miss Piggy broke up?!" I said in 2011 when Jason Segel's excellent Muppets film came out and Kermit and Miss Piggy were broken up in the beginning. And then they got back together. They're fictional characters who have existed for decades. Anything other than an on-again-off-again relationship would be unfeasible. (I said in 2015 as someone who was very upset in 2011 when Superman and Lois Lane were unmarried [resingled?].) Regardless of the relationship status of glorified gloves, The Muppets is already shaping up to be one of the best comedies on TV. The premise seems a little convoluted at first but it's little more than a modernization of the backstage antics from the classic 70's Muppets Show. Instead of Kermit hosting a variety show, Miss Piggy hosts a late night talk show because she's been breaking glass ceilings with her karate for 40 years and she isn't going to stop now.
Glee had already started going downhill when creator Ryan Murphy's American Horror Story started so I didn't pay it much mind. Then the third season got fans excited, so it spent some time in my Netflix queue before I gave in about a year ago. Now I'm paying attention to Ryan Murphy. It turns out that his love-to-hate characters are more lovable when there's a high possibility that they could die at any moment. Even more so when they're funny and Scream Queens is fortunately hilarious. It's much funnier than it is scary, as one would expect from a network horror-comedy, and that's fine by me as long as Queens keeps up the impeccable pace and the actors keep giving great performances. If Jamie Lee Curtis were having this much fun selling her poop yogurt I might be as regular as Casey Jones in Mussolini's Italy.
Obviously what the world needed was a TV show based on a mediocre movie that can capitalize on the success of Lucy, all of which are based on a frustratingly inaccurate scientific misconception. To its credit, the Limitless pilot doesn't directly quote the "humans only use 50% of their brain" falsity, instead suggesting the drug that gives its protagonist his super detective powers allows him to use all of his brain at the same time. The pilot is also surprisingly fun, especially star Jake McDorman as the scruffy deadbeat trying to impress his family. It was a good decision to make the show a sequel to the 2011 movie instead of a full reboot. One of the biggest problems with the movie was the way Bradley Cooper's story ended so neatly without any real sacrifice, so it's at least nice to see him continuing to exist. The problem with the show is the looming threat of the buddy cop-meets-non-cop formula, but iZombie has proven that these kinds of shows can be unique and interesting so there's still a small chance for Limitless.
 |
| I don't even mind spoilers because I love knowing he'll go bald. |
Minority Report
Weeks like this make it hard to be optimistic about reboot culture. Minority Report isn't bad as far as buddy cop-meets-non-cop procedurals go but it is a show based on a movie based on a short story. The show has big shoes to fill considering the talent that went into those last two. The original story, about cops with future knowledge, is written by sci-fi luminary Phillip K. Dick and the 2002 movie is directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Cruise. With all that in mind, stars Meagan Good and Stark Sands perform admirably and have respectable chemistry. The special effects of the Phillip K. Dickish tech are clean almost to a fault. Even the machine that's supposed to be dangerously out of date looks shiny and new. Although the future isn't exactly "used" and the premise definitely is, Minority Report presents an interesting enough sci-fi universe to warrant a second viewing. Also, Nick Zano plays a sleazy seer, which could be fun.
 |
| Fox |
Mad Men threat level: 5/10
Life in Pieces
 |
| This is from Modern Family. It really doesn't matter. |
Mad Men threat level: 4/10
Blindspot
I've been intrigued with Jamie Alexander since she was Jessi XX on Kyle XY about five years ago. It was nice to see her as Sif in the Thor films but it wasn't enough. Now she might finally get a chance to shine in a lead role in Blindspot. Alexander plays a woman who wakes up in the middle of Times Square with cryptic tattoos all over her body and no memory of anything that happened before that. The series, one of a small few entirely original shows this season, had a lot of hype surrounding it and it delivers on all fronts. It is thoroughly riveting and Alexander is gripping as someone who faces the need to build a life while facing a black hole of a past.
Mad Men threat level: 7/10
The Muppets
"Kermit and Miss Piggy broke up?!" I said in 2011 when Jason Segel's excellent Muppets film came out and Kermit and Miss Piggy were broken up in the beginning. And then they got back together. They're fictional characters who have existed for decades. Anything other than an on-again-off-again relationship would be unfeasible. (I said in 2015 as someone who was very upset in 2011 when Superman and Lois Lane were unmarried [resingled?].) Regardless of the relationship status of glorified gloves, The Muppets is already shaping up to be one of the best comedies on TV. The premise seems a little convoluted at first but it's little more than a modernization of the backstage antics from the classic 70's Muppets Show. Instead of Kermit hosting a variety show, Miss Piggy hosts a late night talk show because she's been breaking glass ceilings with her karate for 40 years and she isn't going to stop now.
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
Scream Queens
Glee had already started going downhill when creator Ryan Murphy's American Horror Story started so I didn't pay it much mind. Then the third season got fans excited, so it spent some time in my Netflix queue before I gave in about a year ago. Now I'm paying attention to Ryan Murphy. It turns out that his love-to-hate characters are more lovable when there's a high possibility that they could die at any moment. Even more so when they're funny and Scream Queens is fortunately hilarious. It's much funnier than it is scary, as one would expect from a network horror-comedy, and that's fine by me as long as Queens keeps up the impeccable pace and the actors keep giving great performances. If Jamie Lee Curtis were having this much fun selling her poop yogurt I might be as regular as Casey Jones in Mussolini's Italy.
 |
| Fox |
Mad Men threat level: 9/10
Limitless
Obviously what the world needed was a TV show based on a mediocre movie that can capitalize on the success of Lucy, all of which are based on a frustratingly inaccurate scientific misconception. To its credit, the Limitless pilot doesn't directly quote the "humans only use 50% of their brain" falsity, instead suggesting the drug that gives its protagonist his super detective powers allows him to use all of his brain at the same time. The pilot is also surprisingly fun, especially star Jake McDorman as the scruffy deadbeat trying to impress his family. It was a good decision to make the show a sequel to the 2011 movie instead of a full reboot. One of the biggest problems with the movie was the way Bradley Cooper's story ended so neatly without any real sacrifice, so it's at least nice to see him continuing to exist. The problem with the show is the looming threat of the buddy cop-meets-non-cop formula, but iZombie has proven that these kinds of shows can be unique and interesting so there's still a small chance for Limitless.
 |
Mad Men threat level: 5/10
Heroes Reborn
I don't remember a whole lot from the original Heroes series, but as far as I can tell the two biggest ways Reborn differentiates itself from its parent is that it's more colorful and has more 9/11 allegory. The first episode starts with a massive explosion that destroys most if not all of Odessa, Texas. It lets us know that this is a different world than the one in the beginning of the first season or even the end. Powered people (evos) are no longer a secret, although they are still in hiding individually because they are being blamed for the explosion in Odessa. They are being hunted and victimized not just by shady organizations but also vigilantes or anyone else with a grudge. Aside from that, the first couple of episodes are mostly about getting to know all the new characters, including an Underground Railroad luchador superhero, a pair of evo hunters, and a girl who is also a video game character. Even without any loyalty to the franchise, the characters are interesting enough to keep me coming back for the rest of this "event miniseries." |
| Global |
Mad Men threat level: 8/10
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