Friday, December 18, 2015

The Five Stages of Wookieepedia

One of the great things about Star Wars is the massive amount of imagination that went in to the even larger universe George Lucas created.  The world is huge and incredibly detailed.  If you paused one of the movies at any random point and threw a Nerf suction cup dart at the screen, anything you hit probably has a larger backstory than if you did the same thing with Lincoln. Fortunately there's a place you can go if curiosity gets the better of you and it's called Wookieepedia.

The Ewok in the corner is the inspiration for three different
Evan Peters characters on American Horror Story.

Curiosity


The time has come for an original trilogy rewatch.  You hit play on A New Hope.  By the time the credits roll on Return of the Jedi you've built up a million questions.  What sort of adventures did Han and Lando get up to back in the day?  Why was Leia a princess if she was adopted by Senator Organa in Revenge of the Sith?  Are rancors native to Tatooine or did Jabba have it shipped in?  Is Lobot the coolest or is Lobot the coolest?  Did they ever explain why Obi-Wan didn't recognize the droids?  Aren't parsecs a measure of distance?  Where did I lose the non-obsessive type readers? So you Google Han Solo and Wookieepedia arrives at the top of the screen, gleaming with a divine light like a guardian angel that knows a whole lot about Star Wars.

Discovery


At first you're disappointed, there's not much there you didn't already know.  Then you remember they cleaned the extended universe slate a little after they announced The Force Awakens.  You go the the top of the page and click the Legends tab.  This is the good stuff even if it didn't happen somehow more than your standard fictional events.  Apparently Lando and Han first met when Lando was looking for a pilot and found Han at the end of Boba Fett's blaster.  Leia's mother and Senator Bail Organa's wife was Queen Breha of Alderaan.  Rancors are native to a planet called Dathomir.  Lobot is the coolest.  They did not; get over it.  Yes, either Han was spewing bull about the speed of his ship or there's some other bull related explanation.  Probably around "rancor."

Excess


That's just the tip of the iceberg, or the mouth of the Sarlacc if you will.  Wookieepedia, especially the old school pre-Abrams stuff, goes so much deeper.  Leia married Han of course and they had three children, one of whom turned to the dark side and it wasn't the one named Anakin.  Luke married a reformed Sith assassin named Mara Jade and had a son who adopted an evil bug creature as a pet that tried to turn him against his parents.  All of these characters who have so far not been in any movies and basically don't exist in the Star Wars universe have a novella's worth of biography.

Fatigue


Eventually it all becomes too much.  No matter how curious you are about Luke Skywalker's non-incestuous romantic life no Wiki page is well written enough to hold interest for 30,000 words with glitchy ads that slow everything down.  And forget about opening multiple tabs.  And there's a Swarm War?  You don't care about the Swarm War.  No one cares about the Swarm War.  And why does Lando have to share the "cape" page with Count Dooku?  Lando's cape should get its own page. None of this makes sense.  Do you even like Star Wars?

Recovery


The good news is that you absolutely still like Star Wars.  Wookieepedia fatigue is only temporary. The original trilogy still and always will hold up and the prequels are what they are.
Depending on your age, you either never liked them or you have an unshakable nostalgic appreciation for them despite their flaws.  The even better news is that the universe is about to get a lot bigger and you won't need Wookieepedia to know how.

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